Thursday, January 14, 2010

Chrome, Chrome on the Range

The Man and I have a Harley. I guess that makes us two of “those” people. Yes, we can see you looking at us. No, we’re not going to rob you.

Seriously, most people’s reactions to bikers are wary and frightened or sneering and judgmental. Honestly folks, you needn’t bother. We’re not that different and our criminal pasts equal that of the nearest nunnery. For the uneducated, let me school you in ten easy steps.

1) We are not poor white-trash. In our group you will find business-owners, skilled tradesmen, surgery technicians, corporate managers and other successful, tax-paying people. This is not uncommon. Chances are that shiny piece of machinery you see sitting in someone’s garage costs as much as your car. The extra pretty ones rival your cousin’s Beemer. Just ask the lawyer that was camped next to us at the last biker rally.

2) We are not members of a gang. This is true of many bikers. If we did have a gang, it probably just be everyone sitting at my house waiting on me to feed them. And then the phone would ring and it would be other gangs asking us to quit making them look bad. Yes, we give gang’s a bad name.

3) We do not park the Harley in the house, or re-build the transmission in the bathtub. Side-note: I cannot pry the top off a beer with either my teeth or cleavage. Just saying.

4) Yes, I own leather jackets and leather chaps. No, I don’t wear them all the time. Only when it’s cold, or for special occasions when the Man asks extra nice.

5) Yep, we’re a little bit excessive in our gushing on and on about how much we love riding. But we only do it because we are tired of hearing you talk at length about your new lawnmower/vacation/iPhone.

6) I could tell you that there’s a freedom that comes with riding, but as the bumpersticker says, you wouldn’t understand.

7) Biker rallies get a bad rap. There’s just as much drinking, cavorting and special happy-time making at any Sandals Resort, and their commercials are all over the TV.

8) I love my tattoos. They carry deep, personal meaning for me. I also got them before we ever had a bike. They’re not a requirement or anything.

9) The Man will not cut you with a big knife if you look at his “old lady”. I will however cut you if you call me “old lady”.

10) My experience has always been that bikers are some of the most generous, considerate, trust-worthy people I have ever known. Benefit runs occur every weekend for sick children, fallen soldiers, aging veterans, homeless shelters. The list goes on and on. I’ve personally seen hundreds show up and pay to ride and freely give money to parents of a sick child. I’ve been on breast cancer rides, and ridden in funeral processions. I’ve attended biker weddings more touching than the most elaborate Hollywood nuptials. I’ve seen bikers pull over to change an old lady’s tire and help push a teenager’s car at a gas station so that it would start and he could get to school.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re just like you. We volunteer at our kid’s schools, we loan a cup of sugar to the neighbor and we probably drive more cautiously than you do. After all, there’s not much between us and the pavement. As spring draws nearer, please watch for us. We’re harder to see than some big ol’ four-door beast. In return, we promise to never text and drive.


Vic said...

I enjoyed this post! (I have relatives with beautiful, well-loved bikes, and a whole community of biker friends.)

I have to admit I'm still a little disappointed about the opening-beer-with-your-cleavage thing. That could be cool.

Dawn said...

Vic: I have other parlour tricks honey. Stay tuned.

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